Welcome to the Hot Flash Club!
Whether or not you like it..this is the beginning of the rest of your life.
A heat wave will usher this season in.
It's too bad, it couldn't happen on the beaches of Maui or the Bahamas, but reality is happening all across the landscape of your face, neck and body.
OH, JOY!!!
Isn't middle age an adventure?
From now on, prepare yourself to coordinate your wardrobe with your coloring — RED is going to be your enemy! It will no longer represent how powerful you are - it will show your inner core heat level, like one of those temperature strips. LAVA will be a normal reading.
Note to self: Make sure you don't wear all red, because when you have a hot flash your clothes and skin will blend...you'll look like a red-hot chili pepper and I don't mean you will look like a member of the band with the same name.
Oh, you'll look hot, but not sexy.
I mean, you will be H-O-T - hot...you know, like you will burn red hot all over...and there will be nothing "chilly" about you...but your new nickname will be Pepper.
Guess What?
You will learn the newest dance craze...
The Hot Flash...it is a striptease of sorts...there is nothing sexy about it...and when you finish dancing, you will drip with sweat, and stand naked in front of a fan.
God help the man that wants to touch you after your performance! Your response to this will be: "You're kidding me... Right?!"
Your newest friend, who is replacing your old "friend", is full of as many surprises...but this time you will discover places that you never knew could sweat. New places that have aches and pains, but here is the bonus: you won't remember why you are sweating. It's kinda like when you gave birth. You remember giving birth, but you really don't remember all the pain of labor. You remember cursing your husband because he put you there, but afterward you didn't remember any of it. So, stupid you...you do it again...then, you remember...you curse your husband...then forget again. It's kind of like walking into the kitchen and then forgetting why you went into the kitchen.
Oh...yeah...you ramble - alot - because you can't remember your point.
Yes, it affects your brain and the few brain cells you have left after raising all your kids.
Yes, this is the new season of your life.
Put a smile on your face, honey bun - You get a prize!
Drum roll, please!
The grand prize for entering the Hot Flash Era is -
No PMS.
No one will ever ask you if it is your time of month ever again.
You can wear white pants any time you want.
You will not have to sneak through a grocery line to purchase feminine protection.
Hot flashes will replace cramps. Okay, that isn't much of a prize, but it is different.
Welcome...to Men-o-pause!
Embrace the "hot"!
Don't sweat the small stuff!
and remember - it will be over in a flash!
Amy L. Harden- original 2008 - updated 2020